Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Waking Up

I was desperate to stay awake at work this afternoon and I decided to break down and drink a Diet Coke.

Please be shocked and aghast. It’s a really big deal.  I haven’t had one since September 2010. 

See, I used to be addicted to Diet Coke.  Like, two or three or maybe even four a day. My office is right next to the break room at work, and the break room houses the pop machine.  And the pop machine used to call my name from 8 am to 4:30 pm.  If you don’t believe me, ask my coworkers.  They heard it too. 

I usually had a Diet Coke in my hand by 9 am.

In September I saw a holistic doctor about some chronic health issues and she said the first thing that had to go was the Diet Coke.  My Diet Coke.  My elixir of choice.  My boon companion.  My happy drink.

It was a 12 Step Program type of addiction.

I gave up the dark stuff cold turkey…and it was HARD.  I wanted one in the morning and I wanted one at lunch and I wanted one every second of the day.  But I persevered and fought the monkey on my back.

Until today.

The first sip was WONDERFUL.  I thought I might be in trouble; maybe I was falling off the wagon and would never get back on.  Then something really strange happened.

My face twisted up into a heinous grimace.  And I realized I had just taken a drink of a concoction of motor oil, syrup, plastic and acid.



My coworkers told me I looked like a baby who just had her first of taste of something sour.

It was awful.  Worse than awful.  It was inhuman.  I couldn’t control my reaction…and apparently it was quite humorous. 

An hour later my friend asked me to take another drink so she could have another gut laugh.

I will never, ever touch that disgusting stuff again.

Now if the doctor could just convince me to give up chocolate...

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