Friday, July 8, 2011


There are certain things that chronically disappear around my house.  Sometimes I seriously think they move themselves, because I find them in places I would never put them.

That's really the only option.  I'm the only person who lives here.

It takes two remotes to operate my television; three if I want to watch a movie.  At any given time at least one of them is missing.  Know why?

 Three is a crowd.  I don't think they get along.

My calculator loves to hide.  So do tape and scissors.  No matter where they are, they are never convenient to reach.

It's nothing more than a well executed conspiracy.

But my ultimate nemesis is my set of keys.

It usually takes a while to realize they are missing.  I find myself grabbing the spare set in a hurry, figuring my main set will show up eventually.  If I'm still using the spare set two days later, I know I'm in trouble.

That's when the search begins in earnest.  It's pretty benign at first, you know, just moving papers around and doing a general clean up of stuff.  Sometimes they'll show up under groceries I haven't put away yet or mail that's landed on the table.  Jacket pockets are a great place for keys to hide...and I have lots of jackets.

I should count them some'd be shocked.

After that, it's time to panic.  And there's reason to panic.  It costs major dollars to replace a couple of my keys, and besides, I need to check the mail.

That's when I start looking in stupid places...places they would never be.  Like, in the refrigerator or under the bed.  I might tear the couch apart or start cleaning out cupboards.  Then I start jiggling trash bags.

Have you ever thrown your keys away?  Me neither.

When I realize I've escalated to manic-level, I usually attempt to calm down and refocus.  I remind myself that keys are an inanimate object that cannot cause all of this angst on purpose.  It's at this point I remember to pray.  And then out of the blue I'll remember something or think of a place I've been...

And there are my keys.

Today they were sitting on the bench on my front porch.  You probably think I set them there when I watered the flowers, right?

No way.

They decided to torment me and step outside for a little fresh air.


  1. I don't want to scare you, but I recently found a set of keys that had been lost for about ten years! They included keys to three vehicles we no longer own. In fact, I'm not sure any of the keys are still useable, but I'm glad I found them - it has been bugging me that long. They were actually in the area where I thought I'd lost them, but many searches had failed to unearth them.

  2. I have keys that I have no clue what they are for. You're welcome to them.