There are certain things that chronically disappear around my house. Sometimes I seriously think they move themselves, because I find them in places I would never put them.
That's really the only option. I'm the only person who lives here.
It takes two remotes to operate my television; three if I want to watch a movie. At any given time at least one of them is missing. Know why?
Three is a crowd. I don't think they get along.
My calculator loves to hide. So do tape and scissors. No matter where they are, they are never convenient to reach.
It's nothing more than a well executed conspiracy.
But my ultimate nemesis is my set of keys.
It usually takes a while to realize they are missing. I find myself grabbing the spare set in a hurry, figuring my main set will show up eventually. If I'm still using the spare set two days later, I know I'm in trouble.
That's when the search begins in earnest. It's pretty benign at first, you know, just moving papers around and doing a general clean up of stuff. Sometimes they'll show up under groceries I haven't put away yet or mail that's landed on the table. Jacket pockets are a great place for keys to hide...and I have lots of jackets.
I should count them some day...you'd be shocked.
After that, it's time to panic. And there's reason to panic. It costs major dollars to replace a couple of my keys, and besides, I need to check the mail.
That's when I start looking in stupid places...places they would never be. Like, in the refrigerator or under the bed. I might tear the couch apart or start cleaning out cupboards. Then I start jiggling trash bags.
Have you ever thrown your keys away? Me neither.
When I realize I've escalated to manic-level, I usually attempt to calm down and refocus. I remind myself that keys are an inanimate object that cannot cause all of this angst on purpose. It's at this point I remember to pray. And then out of the blue I'll remember something or think of a place I've been...
And there are my keys.
Today they were sitting on the bench on my front porch. You probably think I set them there when I watered the flowers, right?
They decided to torment me and step outside for a little fresh air.